Monday, November 2, 2015

Adam and Eve and shit...

Let's play what if again. What if God does exist? What if he accidentally created the universe? What if one day he was talking with his own creator about needing something more out of his existence? What if he was just throwing around some ideas? First, he just had thoughts and things appeared. A bit startled he was like 'Let there be light...' Then once he could see earth and the heavens he was all, 'shit, what did I do?' So that night he had to think over what happened and where he was going to go from there. 

I'm sure one of the thoughts would be, 'hmmm, how do I make the earth seem billions of years old. Oh, I'll need to add stars light years away and fossils deep in the earth at some point.' I wonder if a god would sleep during these nights, or just skip to the good parts. 

Moving right along here, day 2 wahoo! I guess God first made everything water, that's why he had to put a vault in there and separate the sky (which I guess looks like water, and given the time the bible was written they knew no better). 

Day 3, he made land and plants and blah blah blah... Dear God, please don't forget the multitude of animals needed for them to reproduce!

I think I'm a bit confused about day 4, he made more light, but this light was on earth. If there already were days there was already light on earth... Again, did the authors just not know any better? Also, the lesser light is still the sun, but let me not nitpick here. Wow, this light was so we know sacred days, basically the ones to praise him. Talk about an ego...

5th day and things are finally getting exciting. Did animals eat each other? Were they all herbivores at this point? I mean there was no death before sin, right? Or was this only for humans? If they don't die but multiply the earth would have been jam packed to the rim. 

God had a busy 6th day. Maybe we should all work harder on Saturdays... On this day God had the brilliant idea to create man. The infallible mankind. Are we not machines, our minds computers? If we screw up is it not the engineers poor programming. Do you destroy all computers because one fucks up? Also, why does God say 'in our image?' Sounds like there was more than one God! Someone didn't proofread their ancient texts!!

Day 7, hang over...

Now on to Adam. Let's do some Math!! Just kidding, but I would like to figure out some numbers about the so called first days. As I understand he was the first human being ever to walk the earth. What did he really understand at this point? Did God plant thoughts and understanding at the time of his creation? Was Adam created as a baby that grew up and learned from God's direct teaching? Or was it like I presented above where God was just slapping shit together? And now he has some jacked up species that is different from all the rest. Imagine being the first man ever. You were created without going through Maslow's hierarchy of needs. You didn't learn from your mother and father, or anyone for that matter, how to respect others or follow rules. You didn't receive some cryptic bible that you don't understand anyway. You haven't had generations ahead of you to learn from. You don't know stranger danger. You don't know that snakes aren't supposed to talk. Think about God demanding that the apple not be eaten. We've got Adam and Eve here, both in the same boat. Basically they are babies in adult bodies. Neither knows what the fuck is going on. Cool a talking snake. Cool a god like being that tells me what to do and I don't even have to pray and pretend like I am getting an answer. I picture Eve as the defiant daughter that is testing boundaries by eating the forbidden fruit. I mean we all know telling a child no makes them not do it... Adam I picture as a pubescent teen that doesn't understand his feelings for Eve, since his deadbeat father came into his life as an adult and he was never taught the birds and the bees. Sure Adam is going to do whatever she wants to do, he's a pussy whipped mother fucker. 

Really think about this. Whether you are a word for word bible believer or the good ol' 'it's a metaphor' kind, both ways this occurs at some point. If you are an evolution backer and believer there was still a first generation of mankind in there. How would you know that God is the good guy and Satan the evil one? You wouldn't. Hell, you can't even tell from the bible...

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